Fucked Up Japan

Fucking. Awesome.

Those are the only two words needed to describe this amazing new “augmented reality” device. Just watch the fucking video already.

Dubbed a “virtual girlfriend to beat up” by Feminist ‘tards who got hold of the story (you should read the comment threads at their site - always good for a laugh), she will busy herself cleaning when bored. You can “playfully” abuse her, dress her up in a variety of costumes, and give her little presents which she squeals with delight to. Actually, she’s not that far off from the majority of real Japanese girls. This amazingly cute new genre of webcam toy is most definitely not a joke, as some commenters on various sites have suggested. “Alice” is on sale now from Amazon Japan for around $100, and obviously I have already placed an order just for sheer novelty value. Sorry to say it can only be shipped within Japan currently - unless you want to pay me in which case I’ll see what I can do).

All the rage now, they tell me, is to make your own little paper loli in various angles and take pictures with her around your house. How about spending that time doing something a little more productive you lame ass otaku! Here’s one of the dodgier ones from this site:

Very creative, see, the genius at work there (no reference to the latest iTunes, whose “genius sidebar” for recommending songs should really be renamed the random iTunes store content grabber of unrelated shit) - the mix of 2D and 3D, bringing the ever longed for perfect loli into our lame little existence of reality.

Wait… wait… He’s milking her penis~ ? wtf?

A common situation in overworked Japan - coming home from a tiring day at the office, the stress of being a Japanese salaryman can often be alleviated by mama. You can relax as mother reads to you, feeds you her special milk and changes that dirty diaper, you bad boy you…

Alternatively, you could just adopt your own baby and then proceed to dress her up in a pig mask and dummy, while you prepare her bedtime snack of poo-mix. Getting ready for bed has never been more fun than with clothes pegs to the entire face, and a damn good massage of the high speed vibration variety in all the wrong places.

Today the government released a model prototype for the new 2008 series of firewomen. After plugging into the entry hole, firewomen are equipped with two directional hoses for twice the extinguishing power.

Picture from ultimate geek with on mission for no foul language Danny Choo from the latest Wankfest 2008, whom you may be interested to know banned this particular commenter for having a site containing the words “fucked”. Which is curious, considering he spends his entire day taking pictures of models of underage anime girls showing a little panty. Hey, I’m not condemning what he does~ just suggesting he grow up a little and understand that the world uses adult language when talking about adult subject matter. More pictures from the lord of morality at [dannychoo.com] adult wankfest 2008 coverage.

Dannychoo.com - Family friendly with no bad language guaranteed! Just little girls with filled orifices!

Many of us, and by us I mean you (plural) and not me at all, would love to be able to summon the courage to just go out on the street and start talking to a random loli - maybe invite her back for a coffee or something(?). Well, now you can “level up” your loli skills with the help of this excellent new training DVD entitled “Just watching” (or in Japanese, miteru dake). The DVD features a loli literally just looking at you, so you can practice what you’re going to say without fear of being horribly rejected.

Here’s an awesome clip. Listen out for the little moan at the end…

Not that it matters, but the DVD also features non-lolis. Whatever!

Original story via [JapanProbe]

If you prefer your lolis to be talking and showing more than just their face (I swear I didn’t mean it like that), take your pick from anyone of the imouto.tv models. YouTube user ImaxMovie has collected quite a few it seems…

By the way, if you had subscribed to the FuckedUpJapan VideoFeed (powered by listpod.tv), these videos would have already been downloaded to your iTunes or other podcatcher software by now! I’m just saying, that’s all…

UPDATE:

Moeside reminded me of another internet loli-alike you might be interested in. She goes by the name Magibon on youtube, and like Marmite, you’ll either love her or hate her.

Hey y’all. I made a fail picture for the awesome failblog.org, so please show some love and go check out the voting page. It might not be there yet though as there’s quite a backlog, so be sure to check the awesome fail pics on the front page too.

Here’s the other part of the image. It’s actually being sold as a dakimura (big huggy pillow for otaku), one side of which has this futanari “girl”, and the other side has a big veiny penis. Not want?

Kei is one word for style, for example when talking about fashion. All my students right now seem to think they’re princess-kei - which means they (try to) dress like a real princess presumably would. Big fail, I can tell you.

This girl is loli-kei. She dresses like a fucking elementary school student. And the paipan part of the title, that means shaved. As if you didn’t know that.

Actress is Seira Takahashi - movie is uncensored presumably as it was intended for sale abroad even if the title is all in Japanese. Her talent is being shaved, judging by her other movies. And boy, what a talent.

Download and try!