Fucked Up Japan

A recent news report reveals the shocking truth about how hard is to put on an adult diaper, and the intrepid reporter tries the new brand that has spent years of time and millions of tax payers money in development. His findings are what we, the viewers, were suspecting all along (whilst clinging onto the plastic sheets of our baby cribs) - the waist of this new brand is indeed stretchier than anything other adult diaper, ever. Riveting stuff, but don’t take my word for it.

Think he got unwillingly roped into that report? Bullcrap, I suspect he volunteered. All Japanese guys are babies at heart, they just want a girl to mother them and take care of their food and washing. Can’t blame them really, since most of them see more of the office than their family home. It’s not just the boys though, apparently.

All the rage now, they tell me, is to make your own little paper loli in various angles and take pictures with her around your house. How about spending that time doing something a little more productive you lame ass otaku! Here’s one of the dodgier ones from this site:

Very creative, see, the genius at work there (no reference to the latest iTunes, whose “genius sidebar” for recommending songs should really be renamed the random iTunes store content grabber of unrelated shit) - the mix of 2D and 3D, bringing the ever longed for perfect loli into our lame little existence of reality.

Wait… wait… He’s milking her penis~ ? wtf?

Found some even more awesome pictures from Wonfest 2008 over at AkibaBlog, and decided to put them into a new gallery. Will be sure to upload more truly fucked up figures as they trickle out over the next couple of days~ Enjoy!

[Show as slideshow]

ps: The girl on the bike one isn’t all that fucked up really, I just thought it was fucking awesome.

Onyanko Club was a huge Japanese pop idol group during the 80’s - indeed the original precursor Morning Musume. Though they lasted only 2 years from 1985-1987, the group had 54 rotating members. This often changed though, due to the strict policy of no smoking and no boyfriends.

The name (おニャン子クラブ) comes from the Japanese sound word NYAN NYAN, which is the sound a kitten makes. So their name might literally be translated as “The Kitty Club”, however NYAN NYAN also relates to sexual activity, or sexual harassment of women, so one might also be tempted to translate it as “The Pussy Club”. Members were all in the 20-ish age range.

Though similarities to modern day Mo-Musu can be found, the subject matter and lyrical content of Onyanko Club was, to put it lightly, really fucking risque. Their debut song was entitled “Sailor fuku wo nugasanaide”, which means “Don’t make me take my school uniform off”. Here’s a translation of the lyrics and accompanying video:

Don’t make me take my school uniform off. Not now. Be patient.
Don’t make me take my school uniform off. It’s bad, it’s wrong to do it here.

Girls are always “mimidoshima” (a girl who experiences sexual activity through other people’s stories)
I’m studying everyday.

I want to have sex, before my friends.
But I’m afraid to go further than kissing.

I want to have sex, like that shown in the weekly magazines.
But giving you everything would be a waste, so I won’t give it to you.

Don’t make me take off my sailor uniform.
You’ll turn up everything up ’til my skirt.
Don’t make me take off my sailor uniform
Don’t untie the ribbon on my chest.

What do boys do at that time?
I’m so interested!
Ah, such a mystery!

I’m invited on a date.
It’s boring to be a virgin.
Mom and dad don’t know
About us staying out tomorrow night.

I’m a little scared,
But it’s boring to be a virgin.
I’ll become an old-lady, so before that
Eat my delicious heart.

Read more at the heavily biassed Encyclopedia Idollica, whose author seems to serious dislike the 12 year old pedo-bait members of Morning Musume; and The PPN Wiki.

Tons of Onyanko Club videos on Google Video

Myこれ！クション おニャン子クラブBEST おニャン子クラブ ポニーキャニオン 2001-12-05 売り上げランキング : 30934 おすすめ平均 Amazonで詳しく見る by G-Tools

I have to tell you, after finally downloading that DokiDoki MajoShinpan (Exciting Witch Hunt) onto my hacked DS, I was thoroughly disappointed that after an hour of clicking around some stupid school and going through all that bullshit dialog, there wasn’t a singly titty in sight to massage are carefully establish if they were witch titties or simply underage girl titties. I’ll give it another go this week, and maybe I’ll actually get a decent gameplay video this time, but no promises.

Mayhaps this new “To LOVEru” ero-game, though rated only 15+, shall offer us a little more virtual booby squeezing. The story is based on a saucy manga/anime of the same name, about a high school boy and and alien girl (kind of like my x-files fantasy, I guess). They even sell the girls high school uniform on the official site for fake-cosplayers who can’t make their own.

Really thought - a 15+ rating!? Waaa~ Am I the only one who bases his game purchases on the ESRB ratings nowadays? I’m fucked if I’m putting anything less than a 17 on my gaming shelf…
via [kotaku], original @ [arumi moon - japanese blog], [official anime site]

I love the way my auto spellchecker is telling me wonderwank isn’t a real word, silly Apple…
I’m sure a lot of my readers are wannabe otaku, so I hope this post serves as a warning to how depraved the world of figurines can go, and why you should get out now. Over the past few days, an awful lot of pictures and material has emerged from the Wonderfest 2008 otaku-orgy, where toy makers show off their latest erotic figurines and cosplayers get to carry fake guns and swords - so I thought we should take a look at some highlights, if you can call them that. Just don’t expect any otaku oriented wank material like details of the company / figurine name and plastic material used in production of the figure, dimensions etc; because you should know by now I don’t write shit like that…
Oh and be warned, this is a long post so you’ll need to click on “read more” to see all of the wonderful photos~

Human nature is a funny thing. As little boys, we have all at some point once checked our sisters barbie doll’s private bits, only to find painted on white knickers or a stubby mass of skin coloured nothingness. But most of us grow out of that and eventually get laid. It saddens me to think that otaku still run around doll fairs taking photos like this…
[akibablog]

More of the freak show after the jump…

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