Fucked Up Japan

Words cannot describe how wonderful it is to live in country full of hot little schoolgirls who bounce around in sailor uniform~ and judging by the google search keywords people are using to come here, I figured the majority of you would really enjoy this little picture from ByoNavi.

Or not. I apologise. In an effort to make up for my transgressions, here’s some real hotties over at Flickr Schoolgirl Uniform pool and Tokyo Teens.

In other news, someone did a survey of Japanese elementary students and found that 2.5% of grade 5 elementary school students (~10 yr olds?) regularly played adult video games with sexual content. This is despite the fact that around 95% had access to a video games console. This number is appalling. But what can we do to help? It is time for English teachers in Japan to unite on this national crisis:

Presenting the Fucked Up Japan 3-step response to Ero-Game access crisis:

1. Go hang out with the cool soccer club boys. They are the ones in charge of distributing illegal materials. Check their prices for ero-games - if they seem too high, be sure to fix the situation using any brutal gaijin powers at your disposal.

2. Try to befriend the bad girls of the 6th grade - these are the trend setters for the entire school. This may be problematic, as they will naturally do the opposite of everyone else. This is essential to their being cool, but ultimately everyone else with copy them and the trend cycle begins anew. You may have to resort to stalking them after school, taking pictures of them meeting with illicit JHS boyfriends, and blackmailing them. This can sometimes be the only language they understand. Once they have agreed to listen, you will instruct them on their new task of promoting ero-games to the female market. They should work on the fact that playing these games is good practice and you will seem “cuter” to potential mates.

3. Approach the geeks, rejects and general nobodies. They can be found either around the rabbit cages, or hiding in the trees on the school boundaries. Instruct them in the art of being cool and getting laid - key point being the use of ero-games. You may have to bring in and lend one of your own to get them hooked, but after that they will need to go through correct protocol to purchase their fix.

[picture credit: dannychoo.com]

Japanese are traditionally rather reserved when it comes to being intimate in public. Holding hands is OK, but anything beyond that, even a little peck on the cheek is out of bounds, and will be considered “meiwaku” (a nuisance) to those around you.

As you can see though school kids nowadays just don’t give a crap about those kind of rules.

Even the little ones are barefacedly defiant against the tradition~

.Caption in top right reads, I think “Look Mom! The kids can wash the car by themselves“.
Fortunately, gaijin (foreigners) like myself are forgiven for our barbaric ways… I warned my japanese girlfriend before we started going out that I would be kissing her (if not touching her up~) in public, so she was prepared. As for outdoor sex? It’s on my girls to-do list, but I’m not too keen on the idea of ants in my asscrack. I’ve seen a Japanese couple going at it once though - a businessman and a hooker in a pretty off-the-beaten-track hiking route in Northern Kyoto. Urgh, it was kinda gross actually. Annoying thing is, they were blocking the riverside hiking route we were walking down. Inconsiderate bastards. We couldn’t pass by any other route, and if we got any closer that they would know we had seen them… what do you do in a situation like that? We decided to backtrack our steps a little, then come around the corner again really noisily, so they would get the message there were people coming and they should bloody well clear off now. Maybe they really wanted to be seen though? Later at little mountain train station, they both went up to the bridge over the train tracks that connects platforms, and while guy stood behind the railings, the random hooker went down on him. His emotionless face scared me the most.

Some girls really don’t mind baring it all in public~ like this little cutie! Click the pic for more full size NSFW photos.

I have to tell you, after finally downloading that DokiDoki MajoShinpan (Exciting Witch Hunt) onto my hacked DS, I was thoroughly disappointed that after an hour of clicking around some stupid school and going through all that bullshit dialog, there wasn’t a singly titty in sight to massage are carefully establish if they were witch titties or simply underage girl titties. I’ll give it another go this week, and maybe I’ll actually get a decent gameplay video this time, but no promises.

Mayhaps this new “To LOVEru” ero-game, though rated only 15+, shall offer us a little more virtual booby squeezing. The story is based on a saucy manga/anime of the same name, about a high school boy and and alien girl (kind of like my x-files fantasy, I guess). They even sell the girls high school uniform on the official site for fake-cosplayers who can’t make their own.

Really thought - a 15+ rating!? Waaa~ Am I the only one who bases his game purchases on the ESRB ratings nowadays? I’m fucked if I’m putting anything less than a 17 on my gaming shelf…
via [kotaku], original @ [arumi moon - japanese blog], [official anime site]

In an effort to curb real-life skirt lifting incidents, the board of education has hired a team of flash developers to… develop an online game to satiate such desires. You can access the Schoolgirl Skirt-Lifting Simulation flash game online at this government website. Man, I can’t even complete level 1 on the easiest setting, so be sure to let me know if it get’s even crazier on level 2.

Technorati Tags: flash, game, japan, japanese, online, panchira, schoolgirl, skirt

Get your mind out of the gutter now. This is not a secret expose on an as yet undiscovered part of the schoolgirl uniform, in depth and with pictures - that’s next week. Seriously, no, I’ve explored many a schoolgirl uniform myself and can guarantee there are no secret stras. No, the strap I refer to here are for attaching to your cellphone, bag, pencil case or maybe penis ring.

Penned as “lover charms”, like all good cosplay shops there is wide variety of different uniforms available. I guess the idea is to find a school which matches the uniform, then get laid and you henceforth have the right to add it to your collection! Kind of like “Pokemon - Collect ‘em all!”, only.. “Schoolgirls, fuck ‘em all!”. Which makes the owner of this phone one very lucky man indeed. Or lucky boy, I guess. Definitely boy. Because everyone - adults should not have sexual relations with schoolgirls, even if it is consensual and they are really fucking hot. Especially not purely for the purpose of collecting cellphone straps…

Get yours now from Rakuten!

Technorati Tags: cellphone, cute, fuck ‘em all, japan, japan, japanese, keitai, lolicon, rakuten, schoolgirls, straps, uniform

While most Japanese students are stressing in a typical shy and withdrawn Japanese student style, possibly even contemplating suicide and/or taking out some fellow classmates, regarding the recently announced across-the-board 10-20% increase in lesson time, some have just flipped. We should all take a moment to appreciate these unique individuals who have broken the shackles of Japanese tradition, and realised that the not only does the system suck, but also that their unique talents lie in the domain of cross-dressing. And this isn’t just a boy thing either - the girls are at it too! Check out the video~

I expect that as you watched that, you like me, realized that nothing beats a good ol’ Thai ladyboy. Ladies and gentlemen, it is a sad world when a real Japanese boy dressed as a schoolgirl loses our affections to a ladyboy.Sorry for editorializing so much today. Truth is, I’m very bored at work.Thanks to [bizarrejapan blog] for this vid, and be sure to check out his new site [japan torrents] for a regular fill of quirky Japanese media of the torrent-able variety!

The Japanese ministry of education consists of three main departments, the smallest of which is concerned with how and what to teach and has a national budget of around $6.54 per annum. The largest department controls who to promote next, which considers factors such as how old they are and… well, nothing else actually. Another department is basically just a think-tank for how to fuck up the foreign teachers, like how to reduce their holidays and make their daily lives miserable.

It seems that that this year the department of how and what to teach was given a record $5 investment to figure out how to increase Japan’s declining birth rate and general lack of interest in sex - at least, lack of interest in sex with your partner; studies show a 317% increase in loli demand and 185% increase in the use of sexual services. The department of how and what to teach, by which I mean the one homeless jack-off that it consists of, has therefore been busy implementing the so-called “position training”. Second graders and up will divert time away from “ceremony and bowing practice” lessons for these additional physical education classes. Someone at byonavi was able to sneak a photograph of these new lessons in action.

Thanks to [dannychoo.com] for showing us how the ministry of education has finally done something useful