Fucked Up Japan

For those of you who are complete n00bs to this whole living in Japan thing, you will probably find the site nihonhacks.com quite useful. It features a bunch of fellow Japan noobies giving advice about saving 10 yen here and there and other little known conveniences in Japan. Like this recent “hack”, send in by reader Heidi who says:

Here is a Nihon Hack that some people may not know (if it hasn’t been posted yet). Living in Japan, one difficulty I have found is finding easy access to western style toliets. Sometimes you can end up in line waiting for a long time, or be unfortunate enough to not find a bathroom at all. the best soultion to this problem is the ever amazing convienience store (conbini)! Usually there is a clean, western style bathroom in most of your major name brand conbini’s like Lawson’s or 7/11. This has been a real life savor in busy places like Osaka!

Do spare a thought for poor Heidi, who was obviously disabled in a horrendous car crash and has been rendered unable to squat (or spell), thus can only use the advanced and far superior Western style of toilet. Hey Heidi - the convenience store also sells chocolate bars - did you know that?

Well, here’s my fucked-japan hack submission for you (if you are a complete ‘tard, that is)! Living in Japan, I often find myself hanging around bars and eventually wanting to piss. Sometimes I want to piss just once on the way home, sometimes even more! In situations like these, I find the best solution is to remember the Japanese custom of pissing anywhere, anytime. You see old Japanese men do it all the time, so fuck it - you should too. Japanese people are forever wanting foreigners to behave more like Japanese - now would be a damn good time to start!

(Image: zombiepanda)

Do you have any useful fucked-Japan hacks? Add them to the comments and I will republish them with no benefits whatsoever for you.

Seriously though, do check out the site as there some real treasures in there. If however, you have an issue with pissing (or shitting) into holes in the ground (aka Japanese style toilets), I suggest you read our previous post all about adult diapers.

One more random Japanese urine related pic if you read the full post…

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According to Japan’s leading business newspaper Nikkei, sales of adult diapers have doubled over the past decade to 52.5 billion yen or $500 million annually. That’s one fuckload of stinky nappies. I personally assumed most of them were being sold to adult-baby festishists, but it seems they are actually designed for the growing elderly population. Fancy that, eh?

And what better way to showcase the needs of the old bastards then an adult diaper fashion show? Organized in part by the Aging Lifestyle Research Center, the show featured diaper-loving VOLUNTEER models walking the catwalk to the beat of ’80s hits like “Relax”, by Frankie Goes to Hollywood. The show included scoring of various kinds of diaper, I assume according to comfiness, movability and suchlike.

Relaxing - and getting comfortable with the idea of adult diapers - was the whole point of the show. “Diapers are something that people don’t want to look at,” said Kiyoko Hamada of the ALRC, “but if you make them attractive, then people can learn about them more easily.”

You sure hit the doodie on the head there baby Kiyoko. In fact, if they put Hello Kitty on the front of some of the adult size diapers, you can bet your incontinent monkeys that a whole load of regular Japanese girls would be clambering to get at the pink feline’s newest fashion statement.

And for those of you who are just dying to see some cute J-girls in diapers, hit the “read more” jump.

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Sir Lee of TokyoTimes managed to find a used panty machine and took some pictures before purchasing a pair. Just kidding Lee. Go check out TokyoTimes for more pictures. I suspect that since the sale of real used panties was actually outlawed a few years ago, like most used panties being sold these days they are entirely faked, and most likely have a little skunk piss lotion dripped on them to make them seem realistically soiled. Not that I’ve ever bought any, you understand - I have my own girlfriends soiled panties to get off on so I hardly need to pay for the privilege.

A recent news report reveals the shocking truth about how hard is to put on an adult diaper, and the intrepid reporter tries the new brand that has spent years of time and millions of tax payers money in development. His findings are what we, the viewers, were suspecting all along (whilst clinging onto the plastic sheets of our baby cribs) - the waist of this new brand is indeed stretchier than anything other adult diaper, ever. Riveting stuff, but don’t take my word for it.

Think he got unwillingly roped into that report? Bullcrap, I suspect he volunteered. All Japanese guys are babies at heart, they just want a girl to mother them and take care of their food and washing. Can’t blame them really, since most of them see more of the office than their family home. It’s not just the boys though, apparently.

All the rage now, they tell me, is to make your own little paper loli in various angles and take pictures with her around your house. How about spending that time doing something a little more productive you lame ass otaku! Here’s one of the dodgier ones from this site:

Very creative, see, the genius at work there (no reference to the latest iTunes, whose “genius sidebar” for recommending songs should really be renamed the random iTunes store content grabber of unrelated shit) - the mix of 2D and 3D, bringing the ever longed for perfect loli into our lame little existence of reality.

Wait… wait… He’s milking her penis~ ? wtf?

Wow. Just, wow… This is a monumental day for Japanese fetishes I believe, and frankly I don’t see how much more shocking we can get after this. Previously only in the realm of hentai manga, the glory of tentacle sex has finally been realised on the silver screen in no less than 3 SOD porno releases.

The true wonder of these movies truly cannot be described with words, but suffice to say they involve swirling uncut sausage mince meat at one point and custom made thorny vibrator skins, with overtures of badly dubbed slime and grunting noises.

Enjoy!

(Here is another cover from 1 of the 3 movies included in this set)

By the way, hosting and domain renewal is up for the site, and the ads on the side have yet to reach the payout threshold, so I’ve decided to start using linkbucks for some of the links on the site, starting with the one above. It’s basically just a short redirection that will show an ad for 5 seconds before automatically sending you on your way. I’m sorry if this bothers you, but this website takes time, effort and money to maintain. I don’t value my time or effort that much as I mainly do this as a hobby and not a business, but I would like to have the expenses for the hosting covered at least. I’ll see how linkbucks performs, and do please post your opinions in the comments.

A common situation in overworked Japan - coming home from a tiring day at the office, the stress of being a Japanese salaryman can often be alleviated by mama. You can relax as mother reads to you, feeds you her special milk and changes that dirty diaper, you bad boy you…

Alternatively, you could just adopt your own baby and then proceed to dress her up in a pig mask and dummy, while you prepare her bedtime snack of poo-mix. Getting ready for bed has never been more fun than with clothes pegs to the entire face, and a damn good massage of the high speed vibration variety in all the wrong places.