Fucked Up Japan

Today’s Japanese phrase of the day is “shumi warui“, which literally means “your interests are a little deviant“, or more commonly, “dude, you’re fucked up“. For example, your friend says randomly that he enjoys watching grannies in tights play in children’s playgrounds. Now would be an appropriate time to exclaim - omae, shumi warui na~!

I feel this is appropriate today, as we appear to have stumbled upon the homepage of a person who enjoys modifying sumo photos so they look like they *were* naked, before they were censored. I can think of almost 9 better things to do with my time.

Plot Outline:

Ami (Minase Yashiro, in her film debut) is a tough but otherwise average high school girl, trying to lead a normal life. Her world comes crashing down when her brother and his friend are killed by ruthless bullies.

As Ami tracks down the ringleader, she is surprised to discover the bullies’ association with a sinister ninja yakuza family. When she goes after her revenge, she soon finds herself in over her head and minus her left arm. Barely surviving, Ami escapes and seeks out shelter from two kindly garage mechanics. They take pity on her, fitting her with a high-powered machine gun where her arm used to be. She then teams up with the chainsaw-wielding mother (Asami) of her brother’s slain friend and together they unleash an unholy, non-stop, over-the-top kill fest against the equally creative machinery (drill bra, flying guillotine) of their relentless ninja enemies.

Download now @ Piratebay.org then buy the DVD @ Amazon

Want more torrent downloads? Write more comments, and I’ll consider it! Actually, I’ll be adding more in the coming weeks anyway, but just wanted to let you know I do really appreciate any and all comments.

Also, we haven’t forgotten about the promised video interview with our very own gaijin host, so make sure you write questions you want asked in the comments of Tales from a Gaijin Host pt. 1

Some foreign otaku girls with balls decided to go out and cosplay on the streets, going so far as to offer tours around the district’s geek highlights…

Well, at least they’re not hideous. One might even go so far as to say mildly pretty. Obviously, we would prefer a little j-loli, but they will do for today. Gotta give these Canada and America university students credit for trying to make a little extra cash. I wonder how they would react if Mr. Low-Angler turned up to get some panchira shots? And speaking of panchira, thanks to dannychoo user BandAid for this superb shots, who spends everyday scouring the net for panty shots. Wonderful!

So what do our foreign tourists think of these foreign cosplay imposters?! Moe, apparently.

[via akibaos]

Just in case you didn’t know, Tokyo Teens has a ton of free preview galleries - but rather than clicking links to each free gallery, you just need to click on that link at the top of the page (or the picture below) and you’ll be whisked off to a random free preview gallery @ Tokyo Teens. Happy wanking!

A close friend has begun working as a gaijin host and of course given us here at Fucked Up Japan exclusive rights to his stories. So here we present you with part 1!

If you have any questions you’d like to ask, write them as a comment or twitter @fuckedupjapan and I’ll include them in a video interview when I bug him on his only day off (^_^)

* * * * *

I don’t know how it happened again, but I find myself working as a host once more in Japan. This time in the Gion district, better known as Geisha-town.

Life as a new host (shinji) is quite arduous. While established hosts can earn enough to live a life of luxury, until you become shimei (someone who has been chosen by a customer to always “be their man”), new hosts will often work for a very low hourly wage. Add to that a 12 hour shift, no breaks, constant alcohol consumption and you start to understand how eager those guys standing out on the street are to catch some customers.

But wait, you’re still thinking “Get paid to drink and pickup Japanese girls….where do I sign up?”, right?

Granted, there are real perks to the job. The majority of girls who come into my host club are stunners, not like someone out of Deuce Bigalow, Male Gigalo. Many customers are hostesses themselves or mama-sans (female boss, Mama) of the hostess clubs and other mizu-shoubai (water trade / sexual services) establishments.

My job now as a shinji is to follow the established hosts. When their customer comes to the club, a senior host may request for me to come and sit at their table. Being a white gaijin (foreigner in japan), the customer will often ask directly for me to join them - to which I must obediently comply. Once at the table, my first role is to serve the drinks, usually sake (Japanese rice wine, pronounced sah-keh), and tend to the needs of both the customer and my seniors. Being Japan, there are rituals to how everything should be handled and what formal phrases should be spoken as some actions are performed. Whilst assisting at the table, I am also in host mode, so I have to help keep the atmosphere high at the table. Keeping the customers happy is done via any means necessary - karaoke, making jokes, talking dirty, drinking games, etc.

Drinking is a huge part of the job, at this club, especially. Most customers have their own “keep bottle”, which can be any type of alcohol with a little dog tag on it to remember who’s is who’s. At the table, the customer will usually share this bottle with a number of hosts. Once the bottle runs dry, we ask the customer if she would like another of the same or different, to which they always order another. Bottle prices start at $100 or so and go right up to $9,000 or more for some champagnes. Hosts at the table are as such encouraged to drink away as much of the customers bottle as possible.

It’s the kind of job where you can’t safely ride your motorbike home (sadly), or type coherently for few hours after finishing work, so I should probably continue this next time!

[via nipofelia, our perverted spanish brazilian friends]

One would think that this gayer than life sculpture is simply splashing some milk around, a popular past time in rural Japan (maybe). But one would be wrong. Try again.

Oh yes, it’s actually an unbelieving amount of jizz that is emerging from his little boy toy. Even more unbelievable perhaps, is the price tag of $15 million at a recent Sotherbys auction. Is that supposed to be some hideously unfunny shit Japanese joke (because there are a lot of those, you know)? Nope. Honest to god. Why does a sculpture of a boy spanking his monkey and producing a veritable whirlwind of cum fetch such a hefty price? Simple, it’s made by Takashi Murakami, a shit modern artist who happens to be the pride and joy of KaiKai. Shame, because their other artists like Chiho Aoshima are really rather superb, as we posted a while back.

And people seriously wonder why the world is going to shit when dickheads throw away money for this kind of crap? I wonder how many children could have been bought out of asian prostitution rings with that kind of cash? Fuck, art really pisses me off sometimes.

Throughout my internet travels, I tend to come across a ton of pictures, news storys, random porn etc that just won’t ever make it to the front page of FuckedUpJapan. What is one to do with such little tidbits of precious perversions? Post them to twitter, of course.

Just follow FuckedUpJapan! …. Please, I have no fellow perverted friends.

You can also read the latest “tweets” via that little widget on the top of the sidebar there. Links should be automatically clickable. And if you have a twitter account yourself, be sure to send me any fucked up links you find ~ if they make it to the front page, I will of course credit you and link back if you have a site you want to promote.