Fucked Up Japan

Ace Combat for the 360 is shaming the world by releasing these specially gay Idolmaster themes for their airplanes. Not want. Please Japan, could you try projecting a slightly gayer image of yourself to the world? Could you, could you really?

It is a little known global truth, a fact of evolutionary science if you will, that anything which vibrates is a better than anything thing which does not vibrate. Darwin’s fourth law, fucker. With this in mind, Japanese roboticists have created a wonderful cybernectic hand-enhancer which might possibly have severe long term side effects of acute arthritis - all for a cool $150. I say a bargain, but only if it has a variable speed “knob” (perhaps that big ass dial on the back?)

The view of it attached to a knob is especially intriguing. Especially since if that were a real knob, the back side would need to be surgically implanted into your stomach, and even if you achieved that Neuromancer like intimacy with a shiny metal hardware upgrade to your wetware, you wouldn’t even be able to stick it that far into her.

Or him. Sorry.

Frankly, my girl would scream in terror if I approached her wearing this penile vibrato ~ ~ ~ ~ exactly the required effect! (^_^)

Would anyone like me to sell these on ebay?
For the happiest moments in life, [kanojotoys.com]

I have to tell you, after finally downloading that DokiDoki MajoShinpan (Exciting Witch Hunt) onto my hacked DS, I was thoroughly disappointed that after an hour of clicking around some stupid school and going through all that bullshit dialog, there wasn’t a singly titty in sight to massage are carefully establish if they were witch titties or simply underage girl titties. I’ll give it another go this week, and maybe I’ll actually get a decent gameplay video this time, but no promises.

Mayhaps this new “To LOVEru” ero-game, though rated only 15+, shall offer us a little more virtual booby squeezing. The story is based on a saucy manga/anime of the same name, about a high school boy and and alien girl (kind of like my x-files fantasy, I guess). They even sell the girls high school uniform on the official site for fake-cosplayers who can’t make their own.

Really thought - a 15+ rating!? Waaa~ Am I the only one who bases his game purchases on the ESRB ratings nowadays? I’m fucked if I’m putting anything less than a 17 on my gaming shelf…
via [kotaku], original @ [arumi moon - japanese blog], [official anime site]

Akihabara has been in a poor state lately. The real geek stores are closing down and being replaced by expensive brand name stores attracted to the deluge of tourists; the police are cracking down on maids advertising their maidly services in the streets; foreign lolis are parading the streets, perverting the Japanese otaku with their Western loli ways… and now there’s a porn-star called Asuka hanging around, climbing on railings and opening her legs up for the world to see. Hooligans, I say.

The little harlot has even made her way onto national news! I think perhaps her real motive is to distract the police from bothering the maids as they ply their wares. It certainly doesn’t seem to be doing anything positive for the general Akiba PR, but more importantly - she’s clearly in her late thirties, and not in the slightest bit hot (compared with other Japanese girls that is, I mean she’s like a fucking goddess compared to most British or America girls you see nowadays).

Someone ought to point these dumbass Otaku to some real porn, like <blatant plug> TokyoTeens </blatant plug>.

via [akibablog]

Hentai otaku tentacle porn fanatics the world over unite in a chorus of joyous cummage as punk porn princess Mandy Morbid attempts to Westernize their fucked fantasies to into reality, with various orificial insertions of plastic tubing that emanates from an equally tacky skull. Check out the sample video for yourself at [mandymorbid.com]

via [fleshbot]!

moar funny pictures

Please go vote for our japanese pr0n star lolcatz @ icanhascheezburger.com

In case you’ve been wondering, our friends at [bizarrejapan.blogspot.com] reliably inform me that they’ve have been shut down due to violations of blogger’s bastardly TOS. We at FuckedUpJapan are sorry to see the site go, and hopefully the site will be back with their own domain in the near future~ We’ll be sure to let you know.