Fucked Up Japan

Original Erizabesu @ Basic Black, found via Samurai Soapbox

1. What’s your favorite Japanese food?

Yakiniku. No, wait, that’s Korean. Gyouza ~ dammit, no, that’s Chinese. Ramen? Chinese too, right? Shit, in that case, I hate Japanese food. Can’t stand fish, or anything ocean-y like squid. Especially hate Sashimi.

2. What sound in the urban environment do you like best?

The relaxing sounds of traditional nationalist Japanese music blaring from the Uyoku (Yakuza-esque gang) black vans that roam the streets of every major city, inciting people to eject the foreigners and bring the emperor back to power.

Just kidding, they make me kind of wish I was a murderer. Actually, I really like walking by a major station and seeing a bunch of dyed-blonde tanned skin “gyaru” doing a spunky little ParaPara routine.

3. What part of your daily routine do you despise most?

Driving anywhere in Kyoto, because the taxi’s are dangerous as shit and seem to believe center lines mean they should drive in the center.

4. Who is your favorite celebrity?
Aki Hoshino. Clear evidence that Japanese women are attractive well into their 30’s, when their western counterparts have gone way beyond their fuck-by date.

5. Do you speak Japanese?

With a strong Kansai dialect, but definitely not fluently. Enough to date a girl who doesn’t speak any English though, and that’s what’s important.

6. Can you read Japanese?
Not for shit. But if you have Rikai-chan installed, you don’t need to.

7. When did you first come to Japan?

4 and half years ago, 1 day after my graduation from university.

8. Do you like karaoke?

Love it.

10. What are your favorite books by Japanese authors?

I tend to stay away from Japanese authors, as they suck.

11. What’s the best holiday you’ve had in Japan?

Haven’t really been on a holiday in Japan as such. Hong Kong was nice. I tend to do more daytrip kind of things in Japan, usually by bike. Okinawa is on my to do list though, including the Mononoke Hime forest (where Miyazaki was inspired) and maybe see a cute little mountain cat or two.

12. Have you ever been in the media in Japan?

Well, I certainly have a face for radio, that must be said ~ but no, I’m not really much of a spotlight person. In fact, I’m totally the guy who operates the spotlight, and is equally as important.

13. What do you think about Japanese Macaque monkeys?

The same as I think about English Macaque monkeys, I guess. Which is to say, fuck all.

14. Do you bow?

Not like some people do, but I do nod my head a lot.

15. What aspect of Japanese culture has made an indellible impression on you?

High school girls?

Warm white wine and chilled red wine?

Corn on pizza, perhaps?

Fuck - Mayonnaise on pizza!

By the way, I know there is no question 9. Try as I might, I cannot find it. Believe me, I am as confused as you are.

Fellow Japanese residents, foreign and Japanese alike, please steal this list! Add your own questions, too.

okaerinasaimase, gaijin goshujin-sama

Seems the Japanese ministry of tourism has decided to make full use of the pride of modern Japanese culture - Jgirls willing to cosplay as maids and wear cute cat ears - to welcome new foreigners arriving in Japan. Presumably, this is after photographing and fingerprinting them.

also featured at: dannychoo, japanprobe; original story from mainnichi and asahi

I totally gotta start taking walks in the park more. Oh, and become a dog.

Thanks to the ever more perverse dannychoo / byonavi

Here’s my weekend selection of stories for this week that I couldn’t really be fucked to write about didn’t really warrant a full post, but are worthy of your viewing pleasure none-the-less:

Torturing otaku @ Samurai Soapbox ~ could you handle it?!

A cat being eaten by otaku cutey Shoko-tan @ DannyChoo/Otaku.FM ~ I would certainly let her gobble me up.

Japanese police cracking down on loli porn @ Mainnichi WaiWai ~ follows the recent arrest of a big junior idol DVD producer, after one particularly racey video of a junior high girl and her almost completely see-through swimsuit.

Have a fun weekend, and see you next week!

What happens when you gather together some real 9 year olds and give them microphones in Akihabara, the otaku capital? A fucking riot, that’s what. Check out these crowds, picture from Akibablog:

Of course, some of their parents were also accompanying them. One is reported to have said “This has got to be the best thing ever for anyone who’s a paedophile...” - It’s pretty fucked up to think these parents know their children are sexually objectified, yet presumably they do it for the money?

The 5 girls are apparently involved with a young idol modelling firm, one that also releases DVDs of 10 year olds in swimsuits and has models as young as 0 (yes, ZERO) working with them. The street performance was part of an ongoing “battle of the elementary school idols“, and there will no doubt be more to come.

Full story and more picture @ Akibablog, in Japanese mind you.

I just went to check out the Mainichi WaiWai column for the most screwy stories this month, and have picked out the best for your perusal ~ be quick though, the links may have changed or been deleted entirely in a week.

Woodwind music instructor at posh girls school convinces his students that blowing him will help their technique.
. Can’t fault that theory, can you?

Government refuses to help 18 year old woman who has been sexually abused for years by her father, because she is still a minor until 20 but only under-18s can be taken into care! Wonders why she waited until she was 18 to say anything - comes to the conclusion she did it just to be awkward!

20 year old male university student recollects his experiences with a raving female sexual pervert teacher he had in Junior High~ gave him his first porn viewing, first wank, first blowjob, and first fuck when he was only 13. All in just one school term. He says he isn’t proud of it, even though she was 28, hot, and every guy on the planet is totally envious. In a word, he’s probably gay.

You can appreciate the title of this post later, right now I demand that you look at this:

The pervs over at MSN went to check out a rather special maid cafe in Akihabara called “Tsui ni koko made kita ka”~ or “You finally got here then?”. From the outset, it appears to be quite a normal maid cafe for your regular otaku ilk, but don’t be fooled. While you were busy figuring out which of the gorgeous staff you would like to f*ck, you failed to notice they are in fact all men. Boys, even. In fairness, the one on the far right looks quite do-able.

According to the article, these guys spent time scoping out the scene before using “guerilla” tactics to open their own maid-cafe. The cafe has been doing remarkably well, though sadly it can only open a few times a month as the cross-dressing guys are in fact all upstanding members of society and have real jobs they must be getting back to. Here are some more salacious photos I stole from MSN…