Fucked Up Japan

Mainichi News Wai Wai published a recent interview with some of the girls who work in the numerous wank bars around Japans major cities. Here’s the best bits for you, because no doubt Mainichi will delete the article soon. Presumably they’re running their server on a 200mb hard disk and can’t afford to keep extremely long (250 words +) text files. It happens to all of us.

the femmes who work these shops are not only cute, but offer a full repertoire of tossing techniques, from titillating up to tumescence at the start, to a brisk pumping of the prostate for the finale

Customers at these wank shops range from teenagers wanting some stress relief from exams to retirees. Apparently, they also get a lot of business from execs and office workers just before they face a long afternoon meeting. A single session costs as little as 4,000 yen. Quite a deal for the best monkey-spanking of your life.

She applies milk lotion to the various parts, while gently fondling his anus, and began vigorous hand action. But when she detected he was about to pop, she slowed down, speeding up and slowing down, prolonging the process until his milky missile was into the final stages of launch.

“You can have regular sex with a girl without paying for it, but she won’t give you this sort of service, will she?” Sakura remarks smugly, essentially rationalizing why so many males ultimately find the commercial version of sex more satisfying than emotional relationships.

Before the fun begins, he’s handed a questionnaire sheet and asked to write in his responses to nine questions, including, “How do you like the girl to talk to you?” And “Do you prefer a vigorous wanking speed or slower one?”

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the sort of quality customer service Japan is famous for.

You remember when you were kid, and you would steal your little sisters doll and lift up it’s skirt to see what was there? At least, most of us were content with that. Some of the more evil inbred types preferred to lift up their sisters actual skirt and ignore the doll.

Well, now those people have got older, and they’re making golf games. Welcome to hotshots golf - a game where you can spend all your time in pleasant surroundings looking up the skirts of various loli characters while the wind blows by. Then, when you’re tired of one outfit, you can change their clothes into, say, school uniform, and do the whole thing again. The game also features a bonus feature, which some rumor to be “golf-related”, but this has yet to be confirmed.

Check out the video, but be warned it is a whole 8 fucking minutes long.

Youtube video link - you need to confirm your age!

[kml_flashembed movie="http://www.youtube.com/v/PSUEGfb4WAs" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]

[via kotaku]

As if anime themed bedsheets, hugging pillows, and millions of dirty plastic models wasn’t enough, now some bright spark has come up with anime loli pillows with real squeezable titties.

Good job sir, the world salutes you for your contribution to mankind.

More pics at AkibaOS, including an erotic loli pillow lesbian love scene.

Another great institute of Japan; anyone who has ever lived in a major city like Kyoto will no doubt have received hundreds of pornographic flyers in their mailbox - these are in fact advertising what the Japanese refer to colloquially as “deri-heru”, short for Delivery Health. The premise is that you can order a girl who then comes to your home for a certain amount of time and performs non-intercourse sex services - officially, at least. Once the girl is in your house, the police can really do nothing about any private arrangements you have with the girl.

Let’s take a look at one of the many flyers I got when living back in Kyoto. (Truth is, they generally avoid serving foreign customers, so I doubt they knew it was a foreigners mail box they were putting it in). I’ve censored the contact number and the naked titties. Oh, and she is NOT a real schoolgirl obviously. So what can they legally advertise? Their menu shows the following:

• Kiss, all-nude
• Bath time play, full body massage
• Lip caress without condom (I guess this means a blowjob)
• Lotion play (hand job etc)
• 69
• Some other random kanji shit I cant make out, but it has “mouth/opening” and “inside”, so it probably means cumming in her mouth or something.

Their special offer for new customers is 88 minutes for only 10,000 yen, or about $100. They even take credit card. Regular price is an hour for 12,000 yen. To put that in perspective, its about four times as much as what my students pay me for one on one English lessons. Not a whole lot of difference, eh? Does that mean I’m expensive, or sex is cheap. The mind boggles.

The back tells us a little more. Firstly, their girls are between 18-25, and can earn up to 60,000 per day ($600). They’re also advertising for drivers.

Why don’t the police do anything about it? Well, no one is hurt. No doubt the police themselves use deru-heru services often. Technically, no law is broken since nothing illegal is advertised. Everyone is happy! It’s just another of Japan’s numerous underground sexual services that everyone knows about, and is just kept on the hush for the sake of Japan running along smoothly like it always has.

It’s fairly simple really, like elementary physics - if salary-men didn’t have secret services like this for their sexual releases, they would no doubt start wanting sex from their (shock) wife instead, and they would go home earlier to be with her instead of working late at work, and then the entire work ethic and economy of Japan would collapse, and probabaly nosey foreigners would take over, and the whole WA (a sense of peace and tranquility unique to Japan) would be lost, and everything would blow up, and……

Something finally happens in my little neck of the woods, and I miss it goddamit. Apparently the worlds most important cosplay event went down in Nagoya. Don’t they all look so goshdarn happy?

Obviously guys…

Still, looks like there was one star of the show. Man, Otaku are funny. Nice knickers, btw…

Photos via kuanhoong.com

OMG.. this is truly at the forefront of technology . The Virtual Hole Takumi is a bowling ball like device with a hole in it and a USB cable, and was obviously the star of the show at the recent adult treasure expo:

Thanks to a newly developed signal control system, the toy adjusts its movements depending on the actions of the woman on the screen,” a spokesman for developer Daihaku tells Shukan Post. “It’s possible to recreate slightly different actions, such as when a woman uses her mouth or a couple are enjoined, so the pleasure given to the user is an accurate simulation of the real thing.”

Is it just me, or does it look like the guy has cracked the top of his head, presumably from over-stimulation?

I’m fairly sure there was an outer limits episode like that once.

Personally, I think this is a wonderful advancement to pornography. Interactive pornography has never really been viable, unless you count japanese hentai games, which I don’t. According to the manufacturers site, they also offer a similar product for ladies - “The Virtual Stick”.

Next, I suggest video-conferencing with your far away loved one, and while your girl hammers away at herself with a contour detecting dong, it transmits it all over to your virtual hole.

[via nozaki blog, and manufacturers site girlsr.tv - sorry, both japanese only]

Technorati Tags: airsex, masturbation, porn, pornography, takumi, USB, virtual hole, wank, weird